The Girlz Have Fun

The Hayman Island thing (see below) actually happened! We've just come back from five days (four sleeps) at the Hayman I. resort with Kerry & Marg, and oh boy was it gorgeous. I suppose I have stayed in flash places in my life, but I've never experienced the sheer professional excellence nor the aesthetic delight of a resort like this. Not only are the staff everything you could hope for (friendly, helpful, kind without being over-chummy): also, the food is superb, the accommodation is extremely comfortable, the administrative service highly efficient – and, the place itself is almost beyond belief beautiful.

Alongside this account are some of the photos I took while we were there. While they give an idea of what it was like, they can't really convey the softness of the air, the incredible humidity, the heat, the cooling breeze, the crunch of coral sand, the intense saltiness of the water in the main pool at the resort, the quietness, the nothing-is-too-much-trouble service, the whole feeling of being taken care of with superior quality in every aspect from sheets and towels to gourmet food and wine. It is absolutely no surprise that the Hayman I. resort is recognised as one of the world's leading hotels.

The journey there wasn't too arduous: we flew straight to Brisbane and stayed overnight with Jude and Louise, which is always such a treat. Jude very generously took us to the airport the next morning after a most interesting tour of the area of Brisbane which had been well and truly biffed by a huge storm recently.

We met up with Kerry & Marg at the airport, and flew from Brisbane to Hamilton I., whereupon the real luxury adventure began: met at the airport by Hayman staff, taken on board a huge launch, and plied with champagne and nibbles for the 90-minute trip to Hayman (during which I managed to lose my glasses, bugger it). Then greeted at the wharf by more flunkies, and escorted to our "Retreat" amidst an abundance of tropical shrubs, trees and bushes. It was very hot and humid, especially to our Canberra-attuned sensibilities, but our room was beautifully cool, spacious and well equipped, including a ceiling fan and a frighteningly well-stocked bar fridge. One of the most splendid and enjoyable things about our retreat was the outside shower. Set in a little walled alcove amidst tropical shrubs with coconut palms waving gracefully above, and blessed with a huge shower head, this was a complete joy after a swim.

Each evening, great clouds of fruit bats set off from Hayman across the waters to Hook I. and beyond – it was a signal to get ready for dinner. There are five different places to eat at the resort, and we tried all but one (the VERY flash La Fontaine where tiaras are mandatory). By far the most impressive was the Oriental, where we all had dinner on the second night, out in a beautiful foresty garden high on a wooden platform, away from the hoipoloi, overlooking a dark, glinting pool. It was a magic night and the food was utterly superb.

Every morning we met up at the Azure, a bright and breezy open restaurant with very good buffet food and opportunistic seagulls. They even had congee and miso soup, as well as catering for the northern European taste for cheese and fish for breakfast. And, blessing of blessings, they had proper leaf tea in proper teapots, not to mention proper espresso coffee. Again, the service was impeccable.

I think all four of us must have been pretty whacked when we arrived, as a lot of sleeping and dozing by the pool(s) took place. We roused ourselves for late breakfasts, fell into the pool, dozed and read in the shade of the coconut palms, dressed for lunch, repaired to the pool afterward for more dozing, reading and flopping into the pool, dressed for cocktails and dinner, and tottered off, replete, to our air-conditioned blissful suites/retreats for another quiet, peaceful night filled with all the dreams you could imagine – a lot of stress-processing going on, I think.

We had pretty good weather for the four days – fairly hot and humid, and one day of overcast grey which got darker and darker, but no storm eventuated for us which was a shame. I would have enjoyed seeing it bucketing down.

One thing we didn't get round to doing – possibly because of the general level of fatigue (or possibly sloth) – was taking the round-island walk. I thought about it, and managed to get up early on the first morning (because I was so excited to be there), but the next morning was all too hard. So we will save that up for another time.

One of the things I noticed about the place was the quietness of it. Somehow, the natural beauty, the quiet waters, the gently susurrating palm fronds and garden foliage, and the layout of the buildings and facilities, allowed people to behave quietly. Even young children were not as noisy as they usually are. I saw one tiny little girl of about four singing softly to herself at the edge of the lagoon pool while her mother gazed at her, besotted.

The poinciana trees were in spectacular bloom, and all the gardens were simply beautiful. the whole place is watered with recycled water and the resort uses a desalination plant. It's all very eco. Lots of little lizards flitting about, and crickets at night.

The main pool (huge!! and very salty) was really too warm to be refreshing, but it was extraordinarily pleasant just floating about. We were told that the hotel had 60% occupancy, so it was never even vaguely crowded. In any case, the place is so big crowds of people could get lost quite easily. And yet the scale and proportion of the buildings and open spaces are such that you never feel in any way overwhelmed or lost.

We also spent time at the lagoon pool, which seemed to be more favoured by families with little kids. There was more shade there, and the nearby Beach Pavilion provided us with drinks and afternoon tea. There are also other pools, not for swimming but for the pleasure of their appearance – beautiful, dark, mysterious pools with glimmering reflections of sky and foliage, graced with the odd swan or duck rippling along the dimpled glassy surface.

The local bird life was also very entertaining: a band of 5 or 6 curlews (which I am inclined to think might actually have been little whimbrels) had taken up residence around the gardens at one end of the main pool, and did a lot of lurking and snoozing. During the night they let out several series of ghastly banshee wailing. There were also the usual kookaburras, currawongs, rainbow lorikeets and seagulls, some very cheeky dusky moorhens including a fluff-ball chick with huge feet, two ducks that shat a lot, a couple of white swans, and I saw a most beautiful little yellow-breasted sunbird. The staff patrol all the pathways in the resort first thing every morning, scrubbing off all the bird poop. Poor things!

Of all the charmingly described "water sports" on offer, C and I selected only the snorkeling trip, which involved setting off on a boat to one of the nearby islets, staring at passing fish through the underwater windows, and then plunging into the tepid water wearing these marvellous "stinger suits" along with masks, snorkels and fins. I wanted to buy some for us because not only do they protect you from stingers, jellyfish and the like, they also stop the UV. Not exactly flattering, but still. Let's face it, we are women of substance. Anyway, they only had kids' sizes. We saw some gorgeous parrot fish, lots of amazing coral formations and a myriad other finny things going about their business of eating and being eaten. It was a lot of fun, and they gave us champagne on the way back too!

We were extremely careful of the sun and slathered ourselves with sunblock, so both of us ended up with a slight, healthy-looking tan which will probably fade within days.

The retail area was interesting – everything was very pricey and resorty (not my style). I did try to buy a hat but it didn't suit me. I managed to resist all retail blandishments, amazingly. C bought some very glam new bathers, however.

The journey back was pretty dismal, not least because we had a very long wait at Brisbane to catch the direct flight back to Canberra. Admittedly, life is reasonably pleasant waiting in the Qantas Club lounge, but even so it gets tedious. And of course, on the aircraft, Qantas seats are so infernally cramped that you nearly go mad. I was scrinched into the window seat with the back of the seat in front of me less than 30cm from my face, and the seats are so narrow there is nowhere to put your elbows without jamming them up against the person sitting next to you. My shoulders were shrieking by the time we landed.

So, well, here we are, back in Canberra, and life is returning all too quickly to normal. Tomorrow I am back in the classroom, dealing with incomprehension and incomprehensible English. Wot larks, Pip!